shitty feelings

kim taehyung's pov

It was a quiet afternoon, i was lying on the bed with empty beer cans and dirty tissues surrounding me, silently watching the leafs falling of the tree to the ground through the small window, completely lifeless

just like my heart

For all the folks who are curious as hell,i have broken up with my girlfriend. Although she was the one who decided to dump me in public and went for another boy instead. I tried to ask her what i did wrong to make her break up with me so suddenly. But she blocked not only my number, my social accounts and also my deep 5-year love for her.

I gave her everything i could, i even worked 2 part time jobs just to save money for our anniversary then BOOM! I found out that she cheated on me, like all of our memories together for 5 years and also my blood sweat and tears for her were just like dog shits that Yoongi stepped on when he didnt pay attention. And just like stepping on shit for not paying attention, she didnt even pay a glance to my feelings and chose to be with someone esle..
  Now she's probably fucking that guy in a cheap hostel while i was slowly drowning in my own tears wondering what was wrong with me.

Was i too bored? Too loud? Too annoying? Am i not handsome or funny? Was it because i always say dumb stuffs that it driven her insane and then dumped me? Maybe the reason was one of them, or all of them combined. idk. I just know that there's a reason why she cheated and broke up with me. And the fact that i dont know what it was killed me and my self-love every d a y.

suddenly i heard a loud scream coming from down stairs, interrupting the quiet atmotphere. It sounded like:

"KIM TAEHYUNG!! GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWN!!!"

...or something like that ...

ugh,what now...i thought as i slowly got up from the bed and walked down stairs to see who is making that gOd DAmN NoiSy ScREaMinG and to my not-so-surprise, it was Jin hyung.

"taehyung, i need you to do me a favor. Can you go the the store to buy some milk and bread? I need it for the baking obviously." Jin asked, hands are covered in some type a white cream(?) while wearing his stupid pink apron.

" um can you ask namjoon hyung instead? Im not in the mood." Jin then gave me a areyoukiddingme look as he frustratedly signed

" you do know namjoon finally had a job so he is very busy with his work lately and i dont want to disturb him. You are the only one here i can ask for help, so dont argue with me or i will slap you with my pink pan."

"But i really not up to it hyung, i just want to continue sleeping." I tried to lie and make Jin hyung understand the situation and finally leave me alone, keyword: tried

"Kim Taehyung, i know that you were not sleeping cause i didnt hear your snores that are louder than your sneezes. Stop being a lazy butt and at least help me for onc-" i cant take this anymore. I might be a guy who can control my feelings but im not good at controlling my temper, especially with these piles of shitty feeling in my body that made me feel more upset!

" but im really not in the mood hyung. You know that i just went into a horrible break up! And you should fucking understand my feelings, not yelling at me for not doing shits!! FUCK!!" I loudly argued back, more like screaming at his face, the feeling of shit started to fill my mind as i tried to regain my calm. I really dont want to fight Jin, him and i knew that we loathed fights and tend to keep it less, but Jin just kept making me feel more shitty than before, so I couldn't control myself..

Jin looked at me shocked, probably at how i just yell at him and curse right infront of him. Then a frown was shown on his face, his face now look exactly the one he had when namjoon broke one of his favorite mario figures.

" taehyung, i did understand your feelings, i was there for you when you needed comfort and i felt bad that a good guy like you had to deal with something like that. But you have to move on tae, it has been 4 months and all you did was locking yourself in the room crying and being drunked, you only came out when you needed the bathroom,i was really worried..."

I stunned at his words. It has been 4 months already? How did i not realized it? Is it because of the horrible state i was going through had made me lost track of time or because i didnt bother buying a clock for my room? Gosh, i must have look really pathetic to jin and namjoon all this time. They probably have to suffer hearing me cried all day and night not letting them sleep or work. Fuck, i really am pathetic...

While i was ashamed at myself, I felt Jin's hands placed on my back, he slowly leaned in giving me hug. Its been so long since i felt something warm, all this time i only felt coldness from the heartbreak and the tears. I really need this...
Jin then broke the hug which made me felt a littler sad, his eyes staring into mine as he said with a comforting tone, one of the many admirable traits of his.

" taehyung, i know that break ups suck like jimin's jams." He joked to light up my mood knowing that i always used to joke about his non existent jams, and it did. A little. " but break ups arent forever suck once you have moved on and forgotten your past. You need to start taking care of yourself and not caring about a relationship that doesnt exist anymore. It might be hard but i know you can do it taehyung, because youre strong."

I felt a little happy by his encouragement. He seemed like a guy who had problems with his ass and always yelling at me for being lazy but he's that type of guy who will be there for you always give good advice.

" but what if i cant? What if im not strong enough? What if i cant get over it? you and namjoon will be stuck with a weak loser who always crying and depressed about love like me. And who knows, you guys will leave me..." I sadly asked, tears threatened to fall down. Im scare that everyone will be like her in the end, and i dont want that to happen at all...

" Taehyung, how can you just say that? You know that me, namjoon and others will never stop loving you no matter what. We love you too much to even think about that stupid idea. Dont you ever compare us to that girl cause i know that we will never leave you behind!-

-And even if it takes you days, months, years, even centuries you still need to move on. You dont want to stuck in this shitty state and dealing with this shitty feeling forever, do you? Theres a reason why this happened and you will find a new happiness,

and maybe one day you will realize that there IS a reason why it happened." Jin stopped his rap speech to breath some air, face shown wrinkles of angriness at what i said earlier

Meanwhile i was amazed at his words. Wooow, i cant believe jin hyung can say something like that, i thought all he said were complaints and *cough*daddy*cough* jokes. But sometimes he jungshooked me with his kind and smart vocabulary.

I smiled, for the first time, at him. I will remember his words and cherish them forever, despite the fact that i always forgot my chores.

" thanks hyung, you made me feel at least better now." Even if he sometimes acts like a beech, hes my beech of a bro, just like the other dudes as well.

" anything for my cute bro, now that youre ok i still need you to buy milk and bread tho." He said reminded me of my chore."sure hyung. Im off to it."

I complied, going to the shoes rack to wear my shoes of course. Jin hyung smiled feeling satisfied at my sudden bright mood then went back the kitchen continued making whatever. Welp as long as they are edible.
As i oppened the door and walked out, everything looks so new and peaceful. Road were scattered with leafs and autumn wind flowing to my face. I softly took a deep breath and finally smile.

man, its been so long since i was outside. I really miss the times hanging out with jimin and jungkook, even long walks at night too!

After searching the nearest store on the phone and the map to get there since im hella stupid at finding directions , i followed the map enjoying the echo of my Gucci shoes stepping on the road.
I know that jin's encouragement isnt enough for me to get over with it, but I understand that i need to overcame it and start loving myself. No more depressed- ass- with- shitty feelings taehyung, i will make a good start of bettering myself from now on. Maybe even finding a new relationship, i hope so.

Even if it took days, months, years, even centuries, i will move on and ...

I will find my new happiness

end part o n e

Ohmygat this is hella long for chapter 1 already. I'll make sure the following chapters will be shorter than this lol
Also comment to let me know what errors there in here so i can laugh at dumb ass 🙃